Sorry I'm late with the review for episode 2, but I figured before I wrote it up, I'd watch #1 again and give you some of my favorite lines from my favorite characters. (I could only do it now, because Hulu lets you see the episode 8 days after it's aired.)
Brittany S. Pears
Jacob: Brittany, what are your plans for the future?
Brittany: Wait... are you working on a time machine too?
Tina: Why are all our trophies in the middle of the room?
Brittany: I was sure our trophy would grow during the summer.
Santanna: We joined the Cheerios together, we joined glee club together, we slept with Puckerman the same year, we’re like besties for life.
Brittany: Yeah, come on, Quinn. You know, we used to be like the 3 Musketeers. Now Santanna and I are like Almond Joy and you’re a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ash tray.
Brittany: I found pepperoni in my bra.
Santanna: Those are your nipples.
(To losing Nationals)
Kurt: Mercedes has a point. Finn and Rachel’s “the kiss that missed” already has 20,000 views on Youtube and the comment section is just full of pith banter, like, “why is the T-rex eating the jew?”
Rachel: We have an important announcement to make.
Emma: I thought this day might come. Really, this is the only dating combination that the glee club hasn’t tried.
Kurt: We’re not dating!
(Emma hands flier saying ME and my HAG)
Emma: Juliard doesn’t have a musical theater department.
Kurt: (Smiles with vacant expression) … Wait, what?
Kurt: You promised by the first day of school you’d make a decision, and yet, there you sit. Cute as ever, but still in your Warblers blazer.
Kurt: If you stay at Dalton, you and I are competitors.
Blaine: That’s true.
Kurt: And I’m just not sure that our budding love can survive that.
Blaine: Let me get this straight. I have to transfer, because you’re just afraid that I’m gonna beat you at Sectionals.
Kurt: No, I’m afraid I’m gonna beat you, (Blaine: Ooooh!) and I know what that does to you, when I win. Look, honestly, I just want to see you more. I want my senior year to be magic, and the only way that’s going to happen is to spend every minute of every day, with you.
(Kurt+Blaine hold hands. Awwww.)
Kurt: Shouldn’t you be at Warbler practise, putting the finishing touches on another Katy Perry show-stopper?
(Seeing her poll numbers were low)
Sue: I thought the people wanted a candidate who for something. That’s why I took that pro-deportation stance. But the people are angry. They want a candiate who’s against something.
Becky: What about toast? It’s already been baked. I don’t get why you need to cook it again.
(After Mike and Tina were playing Chopsticks on the piano and Sue wreaks it)
Sue: Oh, I’m sorry, I just realized that song might be the national anthem from whatever country you’re from.
Mike: That’s really offensive.
Sue: I have spent the entire year being nothing but kind to you people!
Tina: Today’s only the second day of school.
Sue: Ladies, I put plastic on your chairs in anticipation of this announcement, so feel free to wet yourselves with excitement.
Other funny lines
Jacob: I thought you were a senior.
Artie: Optical illusion. The chair adds a year.
Jacob: Twitter says you’re officially dating Sam Evans, aka, Trouty mouth, aka, Hobo McBieber.
Mercedes: Honey, that is so June.
(Breaking up with Puck)
Lauren: Aw, don’t be sad. We’ll always have Subway.
Puck: She’s the one that got away. Really really slowly.
Artie: Her ears should get to park in my handicapped spot.
Will: Holy shhhh... Sugar!
Harmony: I know you totally recognize me. It’s ‘cause I’m the Gerber baby. I’ve been acting since I was a fetus, literally. An ultra-sound of me was featured on “Murder She Wrote.”
Gay 1: I was in an all-male cast of Grease!
Gay 2: As my future husband, Robert Pattinson, always says, “It’s refreshing to have new blood.”
Coming up: Ep. 3~Asian F.