Ep. 3~The best lines, IMO

This is probably going to be my last post for a while, since there won't be any new episodes until November. So sad... but enjoy these quotes from last week's stellar episode, Asian F.

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Coach Beiste (I'm really liking her this season. She's spouting out almost as many hilarious lines as Brittany!)

Coach Beiste: Alright, listen up ladies. Number one, I kicked a fire hydrant when I heard Asa Kicks was canceled, hence, the crutches. Number two, the entire wrestling team has come down with a flesh-eating stack infection, so fellas, wash yourselves. That includes your bat-cave and your bramble-patches. (Number two is hard to hear because Mike is on camera)

Azimio: Coach, no disrespect but, my daddy ain't raised me to be no damn ballerina. In fact, my daddy didn't even raise me!

Coach Beiste: Ballet improves your coordination, it boosts your IQ, and it gets half of the NFL on Dancing with the Stars, boo-yah!

(Trying to decide between Rachel or Mercedes for Maria)

Coach Beiste: Harvard/Yale, 1968, Bush/Gore, 2000, and now...

Coach Beiste: It's one of the hardest decisions of my life, and that includes when I had to sell one of my prize donkeys to pay my gas bill. I sold Kim, but I kept Chloe.

Funny one-liners

Tina: Excuse me from gym all year, or I'll drain your spicy curry blood! *hiss!*

Kurt: We have two days left for people to announce their candidacy, that leaves me and Brittany running in this race, which is more like me running and, you know, Brittany is whimsically hopping and skipping nearby. No one takes her seriously.

(In response to Rachel saying she'd vote for Kurt)

Brittany: Oh, so you're cool with washing McKinley High's future down the magical poop-stealing water chair?

Artie: The kid's never late, he runs like an expensive Swiss watch cheaply reproduced in China.

Will: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but has anyone ever told you that you're both a little racist?

Other funny lines

Will: If you're serious about you and me, why haven't I met your parents?

Emma: Because we... um, they're dead.

Will: You spoke to them on the phone last night.

Emma: I spoke to their ghosts last night, I have ghost parents.

(After Kurt gives Blaine a bunch of flowers. Awwwww! ^_^)

Kurt: You killed your audition, Blaine. If anyone else got the role of Tony, including me, the wrath of Sondheim would fall upon William McKinley like a plague of Schubert Alley locusts. These are to celebrate... you.

Blaine: You always zig when I think you're about to zag, and I, I just... I love that about you.

Puck: Screw West Side Story, this is Clash of the Titans!

Kurt: I have a feeling that people are going to be talking about this face-off for the rest of our lives.

Emma: My parents are ginger supremacists.

Mr. Pillsbury: We're not ginger supremacists, we're more ginger preservationists.

Mrs. Pillsbury: We don't hate anybody, we just prefer the company of other red-heads.

Mrs. Pillsbury: Oops, looks like freaky-deaky's coming down with a mean case of the cleanys.

Mr. Pillsbury: And don't bother trying to stop her once she starts, Will. We used to tie her thumbs together, and she'd chew right through the twine. Adorable.

Coming up (way in the future): Ep. 4~Pot O' Gold

Ep. 2~The best lines, IMO

Brittany S. Pears

Brittany: Out of all the kids in this school, I think you're the biggest unicorn.

Kurt: I'm sorry?

Brittany: Well, when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and becomes a unicorn, and he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical, and then his horn falls off. And black unicorns, they become zebras.

Kurt: Well... that's a terrifying story.

Teacher: What's the capitol of Ohio? Brittany?

Brittany: O.

Teacher: What? Do you even know who the president is?

Brittany: Will.i.am.

(Entire class laughs.)

Kurt: I really don't know what to say.

Brittany: It happens to me all the time. My lips move, but only dust comes out.

Kurt: I think I might as well have a big neon sign on my head that says "Gay-diddy gay gay gay gay gay!"

Brittany: Might be a long, eccentric word, but I love it.

Kurt: I'm joking.

Brittany: Well, next time you make a joke, nudge me in the ribs or honk a horn or something.

Sue Sylvester

Sue: Will Schuester never did appreciate the gentle, tremble of your thin, forgettable alto.

Quinn: Thanks.

Will: Do you eat a whole chicken every day?

Beiste: I eat a whole chicken at every meal!

Sue: Well, hello She-Hulk, Weepy the vest clown.

Will: Good one.

Sue: And little Ms. Golden Marmoset. It's a Brazilian monkey, and seriously, it's your spitting image. You know what, I'm going to send you a photo. Are you still at freakish bony ginger at gmail dot com?

Sue: Well, I just got a text from Becky, replete with hilarious auto-corrects.

Funny one-liners

Beiste: In college I was in "A funny thing happened on the way to the forum." I was the forum.

Figgins: Mrs. Denny-Brown! Mr. Motta has just ended our toilet-paper shortage with to this enormous check! Wipe away!

Quinn: I don't have time for this. Gotta meet the Skanks up on the roof. Gonna throw ketchup covered tampons at the marching band.

Puck: I even did some homework. Turns out Napolean? Not just a desert, he was a real dude!

Artie: Thanks Coach. (To Emma) She's like my own private Jim Henson.

Beiste: I want a Tony that excites my lady-parts. Hummel's... too much of a lady.

(To Blaine's performance.)

Artie: I so want to give you a standing ovation right now!

Other funny lines

Will: As you all know, Vocal Adrenaline came in 2nd at Nationals last year.

Finn: Yeah, the only good thing to come out of that lost weekend.

(Nudge from Rachel)

Finn: I mean, besides us getting back together.

(Schuester lists people who need Booty Camp, including Kurt)

Kurt: I must protest!

Mike: You can't have one move, Kurt. It's like this sashay, and it's super distracting.

Will: Jones.

Mercedes: What?! Hell to the nizzy no!

Kurt: I wanted something toned down!

Santanna: This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.

Coming up: Ep. 3~The best lines, IMO

Ep. 2~The songs

I was a little sad that there were only 3 songs in this entire episode, but then again, that makes reviewing them much easier, and makes for a short post.

"Somewhere"

This was a pretty good duet. It was interesting to see this "mother-daughter" team belt out this song together. Lea Michelle and Idina Menzel are so completely similar, in looks and in talent. It wasn't my favorite song though. Not very surprising, since Rachel had to go up against my two favorite people on this show... ^_~

"I'm the Greatest Star"

My goodness, I completely bow down to you, Chris Colfer. You are the greatest star! What with the climbing all over that metal bar structure like a monkey and singing a frigging Barbara Streisand song!!! I have always thought that Rachel reminded me of strongly of Streisand, but I could barely believe how superbly Kurt pulls off a Barbara voice! He was just so charming and witty. (Did anyone else crack up when he says "stick around for the jokes"? LOL!) And of course, the grand finale in the very end, I could never have predicted how awesome that would be!

For those unaware, Chris Colfer can spin sai swords like a ninja pro. Here is the proof:

You can appreciate the thrill I experienced, the first time seeing the episode, when I suddenly saw Kurt pick up a couple of sais and twirl them while continuing to sing at the same time! It made the performance so much more epic! If I was still grading performances, I would absolutely give Chris an A with infinity pluses! Until something else comes to knock it off it's pedestal, this is my all time favorite Kurt song.

"Something's Coming"

Blaine was also utterly fantastic with his audition song. I mean, a number straight from West Side Story. I don't know how he didn't expect to get the part of Tony, since he was singing as Tony. Even if he wasn't singing this song, though, I'm sure he'd still have gotten the role. I mean, look at him! Darren Criss is adorable! He will be the perfect Tony.

Coming up: Ep. 2~The best lines, IMO

Ep. 2~I Am Unicorn

Alright, I'm going to do it and review this episode before I delay it another day. I re-watched it the other day to help with writing my favorite quotes, so it's a little bit fresh in my head...

This started off a little strangely, with Brittany offering to help with Kurt's campaign for class president, which was nice of her, only she calls him a unicorn (a weird compliment, to be sure) and wants everyone else to know it with his posters. Kurt is initially afraid that this will portray him as much too gay, but in the end he uses a toned down version of Brit's poster that uses the pink, rainbow unicorn theme. Of course, it turns out Brittany's going to run against him for president now... I don't know whether Kurt should be concerned or not. I mean, this is Brittany we're talking about... O,o

So that's the unicorn part out of the way. Mr. Schue, keeping with his new make it or break it attitude, starts a thing called Booty camp to amp up certain people's dancing abilities. Also, Rachel's biological mother, Shelby, is back at McKinley, because Sugar Motta's (remember, terrible singing Asberger girl?) dad bribed the principal to start a new glee club with Sugar as the star, and they needed the best glee director. Since I never saw the end of Season 1, I'm not too familiar with Rachel's mom, but I know she adopted the baby that Quinn had. She seems like a good character. Of course, she's competing with New Directions, so it's hard to get friendly with her.

While she was there, Shelby offered Quinn and Puck the chance to be a part of the baby, Beth's, life, since they are the real parents. Quinn tries to act neutral, but you can tell she wants to see her daughter again. I was a bit surprised how sensitive Puck was in this episode, but I liked it (and Beth was so cute!). I remember how he started out in the beginning of the series, a total bad-boy football bully, but now he's really evolved into a character I actually like. Of course, I still don't like Quinn at all, but I at least feel sorry for her.

In addition, auditions for the school play, West Side Story (yay!) get under-way, directed by the unlikeliest trio, Emma Pillsbury, Coach Bieste, and Artie. Though unexpected, I think they will do a decent job. Funny enough, all the songs that were performed this episode were specifically for auditions. I'll get to each one later, but they were all great, Rachel, Kurt and Blaine. Kurt in particular. He really wants to get the role of male lead, Tony, but sadly, none of the directors think he's manly enough for the part, so what does he do? He tries to re-audition, with Rachel's assistance, using a scene from Romeo and Juliet... wearing tights. Nice try, but I don't think that will help your cause, Kurt.

In the end, we close with a brilliant audition from Blaine, who is so sweet. He kind of wants to play Tony, but he wants Kurt to get it more, so he tries out for a minor character. Of course, he does so well that the directors ask him to read for Tony, so what can he say? I think he will make a fantastic job with the role. If only Glee would let me know when the West Side Story episode will air...

I'm sorry if this review feels kind of rushed. I hereby promise never to delay reviewing an episode of Glee again. Which kind of makes my job easy, seeing as I'll have a couple of weeks off... Yes, it is so sad that we have to wait until November 1st for the next new episode. =( Why Glee?! Why? You come back on, and then you make us all wait again! >,< Ah, never mind. You're still an awesome show.

Coming up: Ep. 2~The songs.

Ep. 3~The songs

"Spotlight"
Wow, Mercedes completely blew me away with her first solo of the season. Phenomenal. She sang that song with lots of attitude and power, the kind that gives me chills and makes Rachel Berry quake in her boots, because honestly, Mercedes has got big talent! She has always been one of my favorite singers, someone I always look forward to performing, because she rarely ever disappoints. Brava. (I think I'll stop with the grading system. Just giving my straight opinion is enough for me.)

"Run the World (Girls)"
This was really kind of a random song from Brittany that I'm really not sure why had to be done. It didn't move the plot forward at all and was just very loud. On the plus side, however, the dancing cheerleaders weren't that bad. =P

"Cool"
Mike Chang sings! And he was surprisingly awesome! Such a perfect song for him! I remember when he sang "Sing" slightly off, back in Season 2, and with the performance he gave tonight, acting and singing, he really showed how he has evolved since then. Also, the dance moves with the football players were amazing!

"It's All Over"
This was a very interesting scene, with a whole performance apparently happening all in Mercedes' head, with her and the whole cast. I like the cast numbers a whole lot, and liked that most everyone got a little solo part, but she was kind of the focus. Very well done.

"Out Here On My Own"
Duets on Glee are awesome, especially if it's 2 of my favorite female singers. They were both so fabulous with this song, you hardly know which one of them to root for. On the one hand, Rachel really wants to get the lead role in the play, so it will get her good credits, which will help her get into that New York college she and Kurt want to get into. On the other hand, Mercedes is, understandably, tired of being second best and wants to take charge in her senior year. The editing, going back and forth between Mercedes' and Rachel's auditions, were spot on, and it was just a great scene.

"Fix You"
This started off a bit shaky, I'll admit. I don't really like Will's singing all that much, but I was glad when the whole cast joined in, and when the scene focused on people reading the call-back sheet, so I didn't notice the song all that much. Long story short, I would deem this song forgettable. Not the worst performance ever, but forgettable.

Coming up: Ep. 2~I Am Unicorn.

Ep. 3~Asian F

It seems I have certainly failed this week, in that I never got to post my reviews for the 2nd Glee episode and it's songs. I have been extremely busy, and now a week later I find I have to review #3! Madness! But here is my solution: I'm going to review this episode + the songs right now, before I forget or get distracted, and tomorrow, since I'm going to re-watch episode #2 anyway, for it's best lines, I'll be able to review it properly, since it will be fresh in my mind. Please forgive me for backsliding on my promise to bring you glee reviews, and giving them to you slightly out of order. >,<

Anyway, back to our scheduled post.

What a fascinating episode this was! I liked how we got a little focus on characters that haven't had a lot of the spotlight lately, like Mercedes and Schuester, and even a character who hasn't really had the spotlight before. I'm talking about Mike Chang.

I loved getting to know him a little better as a person, meeting his parents, finding out about his dreams. Of course, getting an A- in chemistry and calling it an "Asian F" is a little harsh and nonsensical, but it demonstrates what a tough guy Mike's dad is, how much pressure he's putting on his son. Mike didn't get one of those inner dialogues like some characters get, to narrate what he's thinking, but that was totally fine, because you could tell what he was thinking. All he wants to do is dance. Plus there are the warring parts of his brain, personified: his dad wanting him to give up his dream and fulfill his family's expectations and plans, and Tina encouraging him to keep dancing, because it's his passion, and it's why she fell in love with him. Brilliant acting job, Harry Shum Jr. (Not to mention his singing, but I'll get to that later...) Also, the part where he talks with his mom. Just aww. ^,^

Mercedes also had an awesome character arc here, thanks to her boyfriend pushing her to triumph over Rachel. (I'm not sure if I caught it right, but is his name Shane or something? *quick wiki search* Yeah, it's Shane.) She showed a lot more confidence and drive, and that made her sing awesomely! My god, I've missed her voice, and here she goes and does 3 songs in one episode! But... She did act a little like a selfish diva, which has happened in the past, and is getting a little old. Rachel isn't completely blameless, just assuming she'll get the part of Maria in West Side Story (which I can't wait to see performed!). But I never predicted that Mercedes would just walk away from New Directions like she did! That was what was great about this episode. It surprised you a little

I liked the Will + Emma storyline okay. Meeting Emma's parents was a little weird, though. I mean, really? These were the people who raised her, these ginger obsessed people who only seem to care about keeping red hair in the family bloodline? That is just too strange. O,o

I loved all the other characters minor plots and lines. While they don't get a lot of focus in the episode, you do see stuff happening. Like Kurt, who is still campaigning for class president, but Brittany is giving him some stiff competition. I also adored Kurt and Blaine's little moment on the staircase, with the flowers. ^_^ I've been reading a few fan-fics on Klaine recently, and a scene like this wouldn't have been out of place in the stories I read. As another example, Finn has got to decide what he wants to do with his future, and soon. Also, Coach Beiste rules with her one-liners! Lol.

It's interesting how Will is trying to push everyone to be better than they've ever been before, so they can win Nationals. It's almost like a metaphor for how Glee is pushing itself this season to be the best. I don't want to play favorites early on in the game, but as I'm sure most people will say, this was simply all around a brilliant episode, possibly the best I've ever seen, in the entire series. Just in terms of story and character development, not to mention the performances. Which I will get to, in the very next post!

Coming up: Ep. 3~The Songs.