Kurt Hummel & Blaine Anderson (who completely owned this episode, dialogue-wise. ^_^)
Kurt: Do you think I'm boring?
Blaine: Are you crazy?! You're the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio.
Blaine: Tearing off all your clothes is sort of a tall order.
Kurt: Because of the layers?
Blaine: Because of the layers.
Kurt: Okay, number 5. Alright, this is really embarrassing, I wrote this before I met you. Have relations on a dewy meadow of lilac with Taylor Lautner before he gets fat.
Blaine: *Sharp inhale*
Kurt: Yeah, I know. It's stupid, it's stupid.
Blaine: Not it's not. It's hot.
Kurt: Chaz Donaldsworth? This doesn't even look like me.
Blaine: Don't worry, mine says I'm 38. It'll work.
Kurt: Look, there's Cher, and Tina Turner, and uh... is that Lucy or Reba?
Blaine: That is Ginger from Gilligan's Island.
Blaine: Are you going to cry every time we sing?
Beiste: I'm such a girl.
Emma: My only note is more teeth.
Karofsky: I'm what they call a bear cub.
Kurt: Because you look like Yogi?
Other funny lines
Artie: You see this face? This is what enlightenment looks like. It doesn't matter if he's in prison like Ghandi or trapped inside a woman's body like Chaz Bono, or stuck in a wheel chair like me... The key to being a director is having opinions. About everything. Even stuff you have no idea about.
Rachel: That was amazing. I've never had meat substitute before that tasted that much like real meat.
Finn: Of course, 'cause you're a vegan, which I remember, because we know each other. More sparkling cider?
Beiste: Man, I love to weld.
Cooter: Man... ever have something you really wanted to get out and just couldn't seem to do it?
Beiste: I had a chigger in my thigh once. The size of a tic-tac.
Santanna: Look, it was like being smothered by a sweaty, out-of-breath sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body-spray.
Britanny: I lost my virginity at cheer-leading camp. He just climbed into my tent. Alien invasion.